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What a ride...

Updated: Jan 13, 2022

So a month and a half ago I was writing about how things were looking up, after a very long period of down. And I could easily describe things that helped me get through those tough times like gratitude and journaling, and was able to finally enjoy my time, even for just a little bit...

But then I entered and won a digital design competition, winning roughly $30k, while at the same time becoming (I feel) a key part of an online community helping others with their digital space development, and going deep down the Crypto/NFT rabbit hole on the tails of Facebook becoming Meta and going all in on the Metaverse, something I've had in my head (in one way or another) for quite some time now.

My submission for the Filecoin Forum Bounty on MoNA

If you want to go check it out, you can do so here : MoNA | Gallery Hex | Revenant O.C.

So things are different now for sure. I've been busy. I've been working on tutorials, dev docs, and spaces for MoNA, an online social space (or the beginnings of one), which is where I won the competition and helping others on the discord server learn about the ins and outs of Unity.

But the weird thing is, with all the shifts over the last few years I'm actually feeling more limited than ever. There's a whole world out there I can see but don't really have access to. I've designed my life so much around stability and security of income that I feel like I've cornered myself in a place that's now twice as hard to get out of. And as the Covid situation seems to be fading, but is still very much a thing, it's hard to gamble on taking a leap of faith like leaving my comfortable job, in my comfortable, now considerably decked out literally 'lit' (but super tiny) apartment.

The amount of shifts in how I perceive reality in the last 6 months have been significant. From serious depths of depression, to bouncing around my apartment to my latest fave tune (I'd just like to thank 'Edamame' by bbno$ and Rich Brian and Concrete Jungle Fever by Jerome Farah), and back again. But the one thing that I have come to learn most of this experience is that your reality is created, and sometimes limited, by your state of mind. In the last few months very little has actually changed (until recently) but my experience of life certainly has. Now it's not like I'm saying a banana can suddenly be an apple because that's what your state of mind wants, but I can actually say that the 'experience' of a banana can change depending on how you feel (as a simple, slightly ridiculous, example). The things that you feel you have access to can certainly change depending on the day. On my darkest days my bed is my reality, and everything outside of that is too much to deal with. The concept of 'being better' just does not resonate with me on any level. Inaccessible. Impossible to fathom. On my brightest days the world is my oyster, and I can't wait to see more of it. The one thing that I've found, even in the last week, is that some aspects of potential are just not accessible to you, regardless of how much you can 'logically' perceive them.

Even yesterday I was feeling as if my current state of mind (as 'content' as it was) would be the limit of my joy for how I perceived the world. Created from overanalysing things so much they have started to lose all meaning, among other things. Very similar to writing the word 'The' over and over until it begins to lose all meaning of a 'word' and just becomes lines on a page, this is how I sometimes see reality. I'm not saying I understand everything, not by any means, but I do tend to pull things apart so much that it is starting to getting harder to put back together. It does feel like I disconnect with things a little too much, especially with some of the dissociation I've had over the last year or so trying to protect myself from other experiences. And occasionally, like yesterday, I forget that I 'can' actually put things back together. And it's the forgetting part that I'm trying to warn myself, and you, against.

I am feeling different today. Talking to someone, be it a friend or professional, will always help with readjustment. This allowed me to pull my head in a bit and realise the reason for my feelings of limited experience was in fact the limit of my experience at the time, and not the be all and end all. Getting an outside opinion will allow you to see that maybe your world view is not the world view. It is very easy to feel like that is it in that space, but we always change, we evolve, and that limited purview will grow once again. Just have faith that it can.

The month in review :


Watch Arcane. It is AMAZING! That is all. No seriously, go watch it. It's the best thing since Enter the Spiderverse in the realm of animation and media in general.


MoNA is an online social platform that uses unity to create spaces to display your NFTs. This is the company I won the 1st prize in the SciFi category for a space. And I will be working with them moving forward on tutorials, helping in the discord and anything else that my skills can be used for. I am really looking forward to this as I love the concept of the Metaverse and feel they have a good idea to build on this space. I am hoping this might be the start of my next 'phase' of life, and objectively am super excited moving forward...I just need my perception of reality to catch up :)


The situation in Japan feels like it is under control, with numbers being the lowest they have been since the start. I don't trust that it will stay that way, with the experience of the last couple of years, but we can hope. Ideally I would like to go on a trip outside of Japan again, I find that is always a good way to recalibrate my situation here, and I think that is sorely needed. Much like everybody else in the situation we can only hope that we are on the home stretch...but depends on where you are as to how true that might be. If you are reading this, I hope that you can be free of the mess that was the pandemic as soon as possible!

Ruined King

One of my favorite comics of all time was Battlechasers, which was also kickstarted as a game that was beautiful. The same company that made the Battlechasers game (run by the original artist of the comic) created the Ruined King game, which is basically the Battlechasers game reskinned with League of legends characters and some added game mechanics. It is also a very beautiful game. I recommend checking it out.

Crypto and NFTs

I have been going down the very, very deep rabbit hole of crypto and NFTs as I was trying to understand MoNA and the industry they are part of. The more I understand it, the weirder it gets... but I have found that the deeper I go, it's not that crypto and NFTs are ridiculous like some people believe, it's that everything we have done before that is also ridiculous. One of the main arguments about NFTs for example is that the value isn't really there...but it's not like that is new by any means. Art has always had cases of ludicrous prices such as a a plain white T-shirt with Kanye West on the tag ($120), banana duct taped to a wall ($120,000), or basically a blue canvas with a white line ($44M). Even fiat money, a fundamental tool for our society, has little actual value and is purely agreed upon by society as a whole. As the world goes more digital the concept of 'value' is going to change considerably. Digital creations still take time, they still take skill (for the most part :) ). I agree that the money floating around this space at the moment is kind of dumb, but that's speculative capitalism for you, not so much a flaw of NFTs themselves. So if anyone is going to be hating on the industry, hate the thing that creates the stupidity of it, capitalism itself. Creating value from something that has little 'practical' value has been around for ages.

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